Coming Out

Coming Out

As posted to Twitter

Right, this is gonna be an essay. An essay about non-binary. I have spent years looking into every possible label under the sun. I’ve read books on gender identity and its difference with sex; the history and relationship between religion and gender and surrounded myself with a variety of different identities and sexualities in my social life to 1. Help me better understand my queer peers and 2. Help me better understand myself. I have seen both sides of the spectrum. I used to be a transmedicalist and think there was a medical definition of identity and that one was either man or woman (hint: I was wrong). I have always coasted the idea of non-binary out of misunderstanding and fear. I’ve since abandoned this notion for a more progressive approach.

Gender is a social construct, created to divide people into categories in order to make them easier to control and understand. The binary of gender refers to the assumed “male” and “female” identities. Classically the term “gender non-conforming” has referred to all transgender people that don’t act in accordance with their assigned gender identity. As a society, we have since adapted to allow transgender people who are palatable to the gender binary to exist as their best selves with access to surgeries and name changes to poorly attempt to make their lives easier. However, we refer to people who don’t fit in with one or another binary gender as non-binary, which is both in itself a gender identity as well as an umbrella term. In other words, a non-binary person is a transgender person who identifies between or outside of male or female and doesn’t usually wish to/feel comfortable with being associated with either binary gender.

Non-binary has been around for generations and the only differentiating factor between then and now is that we have the language to explain and name the identity paired with a more accepting society. They will usually use the pronouns “they/them/theirs” but some choose to use any combination of pronouns. They may dress androgynously or more masculine or more feminine, but to be non-binary is to be authentically oneself outside of associated gender norms. Everything is valid.

The key thing is that non-binary people are free to identify and present however they wish.

The thing is when I first heard about non-binary I thought it was ridiculous, I thought it couldn’t possibly be a thing and all my personal politics went against it. I thought it wasn’t biologically possible. But I’ve had it explained to me and I found myself in the non-binary identity. You see non-binary is the most liberating and expressive way of living and allows me to be myself outside of the realms of “you are a man and like men’s things”. It’s not a response to gender roles or expectations, but in fact a deeper understanding of oneself to the point I know I am not a girl, but I’m not a boy either. I don’t feel comfortable in either metaphysical box.

My brother said to me a few weeks back, “you might be nearly 18, but that won’t make you man” and he couldn’t have been more right. I had to stop myself laughing when he said it because I was already planning for this coming out.

This has gone on for far too long now, so message me with questions and whatever, but yes. Hi, I’m Io and I am non-binary (agender) [they/them]

To find my socials go to iocutmore.com. On my website, you can also find LGBTQ+ support links as well as a list of brilliant (mostly LGBTQ+) creators to who you should go and show some support. I hope you farewell until next time,

-Io


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